


i heard your voices in the wind that cuts the night

by rvnwyn



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Books and Honest Conversations, Empire Siblings - Freeform, Gen, I love them so much, and i decided to edit and share it this morning, anyway i wrote this overnight because i couldn't sleep, they sit and talk for a few minutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:27:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27573779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rvnwyn/pseuds/rvnwyn
Summary: He looked even more tired than when they arrived here, the bags under his eyes even more visible in the soft glow of the lantern on the table than it had been outside under the moonlight. His hands were awkwardly placed on the table, motionless and his brows were furrowed in a way that made the lines on his forehead more visible, and at that moment he seemed decades older than he actually was. When he spoke, though, his words were deliberate and clear.“Were you afraid?”
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & Caleb Widogast
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	i heard your voices in the wind that cuts the night

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "A Pound of Flesh" by Radical Face.

They were in the Archives together. Caleb’s back was slouched towards the table, Frumpkin on his lap, his eyes fixated on his spell book as he transcribed a spell. Beauregard had been reading up on some of the Betrayer Gods and found some interesting information while skimming through the books even if she was here mostly to keep Caleb company.

Although Beauregard would not admit it out loud, she actually liked researching with Caleb at her side. The first few months of getting to know each other, Caleb getting glued to a book and never speaking again for hours almost every chance he got drove Beauregard up the wall. The fact that the silence that she was so accustomed to during these sessions used to once bother her, felt laughable to her now.

They had been in a particularly nasty battle today, with Caleb taking most of the damage. He had gone unconscious towards the end of the fight and woken up grouchier than usual when Caduceus healed him. So when the rest of the party had suggested they celebrate their victory with drinks, it was no surprise that Caleb wanted to stay behind. Beauregard suggested that she stay behind as well. When Nott gave her a pointed look from afar as she was walking away with the rest of the party, Beau knew that it meant that she was asking her to keep an eye on Caleb.

Hence, the Archives.

Caleb had taken a few deep breaths and scratched at his arms a few times while she was skimming through the second book she picked out, and when she glanced at him, his hand motions as he transcribed the spells seemed methodical as always but a little more slower and more tired than usual, but none of these in particular had worried Beauregard.

After some hours passed with complete silence, Caleb slowly put his spell book aside and Beauregard felt him stare at her from across the table. She lifted her head up from the book she was reading as a response and was instantly met with Caleb’s eyes staring directly in hers with a disconcerted look. This, in particular, had worried Beauregard.

There had been many days she wished desperately that Caleb would just look her in the eye while talking to her instead of a chosen spot on the floor or his hands or above her shoulder off into the distance. She realized it was a slow process and she had been glad that, as they had gotten more comfortable around each other, Caleb had been able to maintain eye contact more often. Beauregard was always glad to meet his eyes, sometimes sad, sometimes tired, even joyous on very rare occasions, but no matter what, always alive.

The way Caleb was staring at her right now was different.

He looked even more tired than when they arrived here, the bags under his eyes even more visible in the soft glow of the lantern on the table than it had been outside under the moonlight. His hands were awkwardly placed on the table, motionless and his brows were furrowed in a way that made the lines on his forehead more visible, and at that moment he seemed decades older than he actually was.

When he spoke, though, his words were deliberate and clear.

“Were you afraid?”

“What?” asked Beauregard instantly, closing her book. “Is this about what happened today, man? Because if so, it is a stupid thing to worry about. We all go down during a fight from time to time. The good thing about having two clerics in the group is that-”

“Were you afraid when they took you to the monastery for the first time?”

The question knocked the wind out Beauregard, and she stopped talking at an instant, her mouth slightly agape in a moment of shock and confusion. Caleb kept on staring directly at her, not breaking eye contact.

“I’m not-” she started saying but cut herself short. She took a few agitated breaths and shifted in her seat. She couldn’t stop herself from turning her head away and breaking eye contact to instead fixate on the bookshelf a few feet away. 

It was on days like this, Beau really wanted to punch Caleb in the face.

After a few seconds passed with Beau burning through her initial angry reaction with a mere quick thought, she turned her head to look back at him. She didn’t want to lie.

“Yeah. I was. Afraid, that is. I was… I was scared.” She had tried to make it sound casual, but her voice came out strained, and she uncharacteristically couldn’t keep herself from fidgeting with her hands. Caleb was still staring, but he moved his hands that were awkwardly sitting on the table to place them on Frumpkin’s back and started slowly stroking his fur. His eyes seemed warmer now, which prodded Beau to continue.

“I didn’t understand what was happening at first, y’know? It’s fucked up. Not feeling wanted by your family. It made me believe for so long that I was… that I was wrong, somehow. That I had to change to be loved.” She bitterly laughed as she watched Caleb’s gentle hand motions. “Deep down, I always knew they didn’t want me, but… I guess it really sunk in when I understood that the monks were there to take me away.”

Caleb gently nodded and turned his head to focus on petting Frumpkin.

“Were you scared?” Beauregard echoed the question back to him. “Were you scared when they took you to the Academy for the first time?”

His answer, uncharacteristically, came at an instant.

“Ja.”

Several seconds passed as Beau wondered if he was going to elaborate or not before Caleb started speaking again.

“I was glad that I was going to learn the arcane tradition, but… I had never left Blumenthal before. I was afraid that I would not be able to learn the ways of living in a place as big as Rexxentrum. I was afraid that I would not be able keep up with my peers and I would disappoint my mother and father.” He stopped for a few seconds and took a deep, tired breath as he continued.

“When they came to take me, they gave me clothes so that I would be dressed in the traditional garbs of the Academy when I entered there for the first time. I could not figure out how to put them on. I struggled for minutes before my father came to help.” There was a melancholic tone to his voice that Beauregard hadn’t heard before.

“Every day I had spent, I had spent with my mother and father. I was afraid that I would miss them.”

Beauregard’s gaze softened as she kept on watching Caleb. She kept looking at him for a few seconds, and when she was sure he was done talking, she tried to focus back at the book she had left abandoned merely minutes ago, but she found herself not being able to focus after their brief conversation. They both sat for minutes after that, Caleb holding onto Frumpkin and Beauregard leaving the book aside, kicking her legs up onto the table, casually unwrapping and wrapping her hand bandages. The silence felt vulnerable but somehow comfortable, although Beauregard was still not sure if she liked the feeling or not.

Eventually, Caleb got a message from Nott and they gathered their belongings to leave the Archive to meet up with the rest of their group. They made their way back to their chambers together, some of the other members loudly talking, stumbling drunkenly and laughing along the way.

“Thank you, Beauregard,” Caleb said after a while as they walked, staring ahead. Beauregard smiled gently although she knew Caleb wouldn’t see, and gently bumped her shoulder against his as they were walking. “Any time.”


End file.
